A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Your Neurodivergent Person during Festivals

The festive season, including celebrations like Dashain and Tihar is often anticipated as a time for making precious memories and bonding. However, these busy events can be stressful and overwhelming experiences for People with Autism, who find changes in routine, loud environments, or large crowds challenging.

This guide provides parents with proactive steps and immediate strategies for regulating their child’s behaviour, managing sensory triggers, and fostering an environment of acceptance during these joyous, but potentially overwhelming, times.

The Power of Preparation: Normalising and Accepting Needs

Festivals bring disruptions to routine, which is a major challenge for many autistic children. As a parent, you can take measures to ensure that your child feels comfortable during these environmental triggers. 

Rather than seeing it as a problem, it’s a powerful opportunity to sensitise and normalize your child for the world and challenges that may present in due course of time and provide them with quality social time and interaction. 

Early Preparation is Key

• Provide Advance Insight: If your child finds changes in routine challenging, provide them with timely information about upcoming events and mark the festival days on a calendar.
• Use Social Stories and Role-Playing: To combat the fear or overwhelm associated with attending a gathering, you can use techniques like role-playing the expected situations before the actual event. This rehearsal helps them get used to different situations and feel less overwhelmed by guests or activities. You can also write a story about the event or read a book about the type of event you will be attending. Be very clear about the types of scenarios that they may face and let them know that it’s okay and you’ll always be there if they feel uncomfortable. You can even develop your own ‘Special word’ to communicate the feeling. This way you not only prepare your child for the social setup, but also take a crucial step towards bonding and making them feel safe and special.
  Focus on Key Interactions: Don’t try to script every interaction. Focus on the most common or potentially challenging ones to build confidence. For example, Rehearse specific festival rituals, such as sitting quietly during a puja, accepting Tika (and how to signal discomfort if needed), or receiving blessings from elders.
• Discuss Expectations: Discuss with them what the child can expect, emphasizing the aspects of the festival (like receiving a favourite food or spending time with specific relatives) that they might enjoy most. Let them ask questions and answer in a clear, concise manner. This way you establish a two way communication and get a sneak peek into their world and thought process.
• Clear Beginnings and Endings: Communicate when activities are starting and, crucially, when they are expected to end. For example, “We’ll be at Grandpa’s house for two more hours, then we’ll go home.”

Educating Your Surroundings (Normalizing Acceptance)

Lack of awareness and understanding from other family members, local communities, and holiday makers is frequently cited as one of the most stressful aspects for parents during events. You can turn the festival into a chance to educate those around you:

• Communicate Clearly: Ensure you invite people your loved one knows and has communicated with before.
• Offer Helpful Tips: Give newer guests or extended family helpful tips on how to approach your child or adult loved one. The goal is not to make anyone stand out, but to ensure everyone is prepared to fully enjoy themselves.
• Share Specific Needs: You can share your child’s specific needs and expectations with family members, creating a better understanding and awareness of the complexities you face.
• Designate “Support Squad” Members: Identify one or two trusted individuals (e.g., an aunt, uncle, or grandparent) who understand your child’s needs and can offer support, allowing you to focus on other aspects of the festival. Share specific tips with these key supporters on how to interact with your child, what signs of overwhelm to look for, and how they can gently intervene or offer a comforting presence.

How to make festivals Sensory-Friendly

Sensory overload, caused by factors such as loud noises, too many people, or certain textures, is perhaps the most important consideration for an autism-friendly environment. Given that festivals like Dashain and Tihar are often highly stimulating, managing hypersensitivity and sensory demands is crucial.

Addressing Common Sensory Triggers:

Trigger	Festive Scenario (Expected)	Strategy
Sound	Firecrackers, ceremonial music, too many voices/crowds	Consider using noise-cancelling headphones. Keep the guest list as relatively small as possible and stick to a familiar space.
Crowds/ Overwhelm	Large family gatherings, visits to temples/public areas	If attending crowded events, it may be better to choose only one activity, rather than scheduling multiple events for the same day (e.g., Temple parade, Deusi, cookout, and fireworks). While ensuring that they get exposure, try to keep the gathering isolated to one comfortable room or area.
Food Sensory	Trying new festive dishes or unfamiliar spices/textures	Sensory eating issues are a concern, and often, plain food or specific requirements are needed. If staying at a relative’s house, communicate these specific dietary needs beforehand to avoid having to run out and find alternative food.
Texture/ Ritual (Tika)	Refusing to wear tika on the forehead (texture issue)	If the child struggles with texture or materials, or won’t dress themselves, focus on understanding the emotional need behind the refusal. You may need to adapt rituals to minimise distress related to touch or textures. Try giving the Jamara on their hand to play with. This way your loved ones get something to play with while elders get to give their blessings.
Visual Stimulation	Bright lighting, vibrant decorations	PWA are known to be fantastic visual learners. Watch videos of expected scenarios together and prepare them beforehand. Observe their reaction. Use social stories to give them cues and sensitize them. Depending on their response, if hosting, decorate the space in a more subdued way with less vibrant colours and fewer things hanging on the walls. If needed, use sunglasses for light sensitivity.

Dealing with Sensory Integration Challenges and Meltdowns

Even with the best preparation, unexpected triggers can lead to distress or a meltdown.

Using Tools and Creating Escape Routes

Sensory integration issues may require access to specific tools and a safe space to retreat to:

• Communicate the Need for a Break: Establish a communication device or signal (verbal or nonverbal) that your child can use to let you know they need a break from the stimulation.
• Provide Comfort Items (Tools): When planning for anything, it helps to have tools ready. These can include a favourite toy or book. If the event is long or involves waiting, bring a bag containing activities like an iPad, puzzles, a fidget, or books.
• Designate a Safe Space: It is important to have a plan of action ready to calm your child without having to end the party. Effective ideas include going with them to a separate room or taking them for a walk. Allowing them to go to a different room for a few minutes can help bring down overwhelming feelings.
• Rehearse “Escape Routes”: Having a pre-planned, familiar “escape route” can significantly reduce anxiety for your child if they become overwhelmed.
  • Identify a Safe Space Together: Before the festival, physically show your child the designated quiet room or area where they can retreat. Explain what they can do there (e.g., read a book, use a fidget toy).
  • Practice the Signal: Establish a clear, simple signal (verbal cue, hand gesture, or special word) that your child can use to communicate they need a break. Practice using this signal at home.
  • Role-Play the Exit: Briefly role-play leaving a busy area and going to the safe space. This makes the action familiar and less daunting when real overwhelm hits. Reassure them you will go with them or a trusted adult will.
• Practice Emotional Expression: Help your child understand emotions, even using flashcards if necessary. When they can express their emotions in healthy ways, they are more likely to come to you if they are feeling overwhelmed and distressed, allowing them to work through those feelings safely.
• Delegate Support: You do not have to bear the responsibility of taking care of everyone yourself. Ensure others are present who know how to make your child feel comfortable.
• Temperature Sensitivity: Festivals can bring varying temperatures, from cool evenings to warm indoor gatherings. Be mindful of your child’s comfort. Dress in Layers so that you may quickly adapt to the varying temperatures while also giving your cared one a style! Pay attention to non-verbal cues that might indicate temperature discomfort, such as fidgeting, skin flushing, or trying to remove clothing.
• Proprioceptive Input (Deep Pressure): Many neurodivergent individuals find deep pressure calming and organizing. Offer firm, full-body hugs if your child finds them soothing. This deep pressure can help regulate their nervous system. If your child regularly uses a weighted lap pad or vest, consider bringing it along (if appropriate for the climate and situation) to provide a familiar source of grounding input. Gently encourage activities that provide resistance, such as helping to carry a light bag of offerings or pushing a small chair. 
• Smell Triggers: Not just of food, but be aware of common festival smells like incense, strong perfumes, traditional cooking spices, or even firecracker fumes.If possible, identify or create areas that are less exposed to intense smells. Good ventilation can also help disperse strong aromas.

By preparing early, providing sensory-friendly options, and having a clear plan for managing moments of overwhelm, you can help your child feel comfortable and safe, ensuring that the festival season remains a time for happy family memories.

Few more things to consider

Parental Self-Care

Navigating festivals with a neurodivergent child can be incredibly rewarding, but also demanding. Remember, your well-being is paramount.

Prioritize Your Breaks: Just as your child needs downtime, so do you. Identify moments throughout the day when you can step away for a few minutes to recharge.

Lean on Your Support Network: You don’t have to manage everything alone. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner, a trusted family member, or a friend to step in for a while so you can rest or attend to other needs.

Manage Expectations (Yours and Others’): It’s okay if not every moment is picture-perfect. Celebrate the small victories and acknowledge that some days will be more challenging than others. Grant yourself grace.

Post-Meltdown Recovery

Even with the best preparation, meltdowns can occur. Knowing how to respond in the aftermath is crucial for both you and your child.

• Allow for Quiet Recovery: Once the immediate intensity of the meltdown subsides, create a calm and quiet space for your child to decompress. Avoid immediate questioning or extensive debriefing.
• Reassurance and Connection: Offer gentle reassurance that they are safe and loved. A simple hug (if welcomed), a comforting presence, or a soft voice can help re-establish connection and security.
• Reflect Later, If Appropriate: When your child is fully regulated and calm, you might gently discuss what happened, focusing on feelings and coping strategies rather than blame. However, if they prefer not to discuss it, respect their need for silence.

Focus on Strengths and Joys

While it’s important to address challenges, highlighting your child’s unique strengths and what brings them joy is equally vital for a positive festival experience.

• Accentuate the Positive: When communicating with others about your child, share their wonderful qualities and what aspects of the festival they particularly enjoy. This shifts the focus from deficits to strengths.
• Tailor Activities to Interests: If your child has a special interest, try to incorporate it into festival activities. For example, if they love lights, engage them in decorating or admiring the lamp displays.
• Celebrate Their Contributions: Acknowledge and praise their efforts to participate, even in small ways. Their unique perspective can often bring a fresh and delightful dimension to the celebrations.

Empower Communication

Empower yourself to openly and confidently communicate your child’s needs to close family and friends. This fosters understanding and creates an accepting environment. This might be another opportunity for you to bond even better with your family members! Win Win, right?

• Choose the Right Moment: Select a calm, private moment before or early in the gathering to speak with key individuals (e.g., grandparents, close aunts/uncles).
• Be Direct and Concise: Share the message and let everyone feel the sense of responsibility and that they can make an impact. A small sentence from a place of honesty and humility goes a long way. Let’s consider we are talking about ‘Ram’ who has Autism.
  • Start with a positive sentence: “We’re so excited for Ram to celebrate Dashain/Tihar with everyone!”
  • Explain key needs clearly: “You know Ram can sometimes get overwhelmed by loud noises/large groups. We’ll be keeping an eye out for [sign of overwhelm, e.g., covering ears, quietness].”
  • Offer simple tips: “If you’re talking to Ram, a clear, calm voice helps a lot. He might need a moment to respond.” or “Tika can sometimes feel unusual on their skin, so we might adapt that ritual a little.”
  • Reinforce support: “We’ll also have a quiet space ready if they need a break. Your understanding means the world to us.”
• Frame it as a Partnership: Emphasize that a little understanding from everyone helps your child feel safe, included, and able to enjoy the festivities to the fullest. This encourages empathy and cooperation.